Gay Andy

April 11, 2010

Today I made a decision that I hope I don’t later regret

Filed under: Uncategorized — gayandy @ 6:10 pm



Last night at 2:30 in the morning my cell phone rang. But before I could stumble out of bed to answer it, it stopped ringing. I turned around and sleepily stumbled back to my bed, and then my phone rang again. It was Lance! WTF are you calling me for at 2:30 in the morning??!! He wanted to know if I’d seen Rike? I told him the last time I saw Rike was when Jamie and Rike went off together to get high, and I haven’t seen him since then. I guess it’s sweet that Lance is concerned about Rike. After Lance called me I couldn’t go back to sleep. I laid in my bed thinking about Rike and that he’s probably stoned out of his brain somewhere with Jamie. This really bothers me. The only reason why Jamie came to my house yesterday was to get Rike to go with him to get high. Rike wouldn’t have gone to get high yesterday if Jamie hadn’t showed up at my house. Rike was with me and Lance and Mario and Mike. And then Jamie showed up and ruined everything. As I laid in my bed thinking about Rike I realized he betrayed me and all of our friends. He threw every one of us away when he walked out the door with Jamie to go sniff glue and smoke pot. Getting high was more important to him than being with his friends. As I laid there in the darkness of my room thinking about him I realized that not only is he hurting himself, but he’s also hurting those of us around him who care about him. If you’ve been following my blog you already know Rike comes from a really bad background. His dad is dead and his mom whores herself out to make money to buy drugs with. Rike’s been surrounded by drugs for most of his life. He’s watched his mom’s boyfriends inject heroin into their bodies. He’s watched Jamie and his friends smoking crack, ice, and popping pills to get high and downers and you name it and he’s seen it or tried it himself. Through all his nightmarish life I’ve never abandoned Rike, I’ve always been there for him, until now. Last night I made the decision to stop seeing Rike for at least 2 weeks, and maybe longer. I’m not going to allow him to come into my house for at least 2 weeks and maybe longer. I’m not going to talk to him, or even acknowledge that he even exists. I have to do this for my own sanity. I got up this morning with a knot in my stomach from worrying about him most of the night last night. Today is the last day of Spring Break. Tomorrow school starts up again. I almost always walk to school with Rike. Recently it’s been me Rike and Lance walking to school together. But tomorrow will be different. I won’t be with him. I’m sure Lance will be more than happy to fill the empty spot in Rike’s life from me not being there. They say time heals all wounds. The pain I’m feeling now from watching Rike slowly destroying his life, is going to take more than just time to heal. It’s going to take a miracle to break the drug bond between Jamie and Rike.

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8 Comments »

  1. hey Andy, that must have been a hard decision. i hope its the right one. it sounds like it is from my point of view. who knows, maybe Rike will be so bumbed, he'll stop drugs for you. crazyer things have happened. i hope it all works out =) Peace!!!

    Comment by Spys89 — April 11, 2010 @ 9:40 pm | Reply

  2. Hi there AndyI've been reading your blog for the last couple of weeks, but haven't been commenting much.I'm very sorry for you, that you feel driven to do this after you and Rike had (as far as I could see) sorted your differences. But I can understand why: Rike is betraying your friendship.There's just one thing I would suggest: explain to him why you're doing this. If you're going to start the cold shoulder treatment immediately, then write him a letter rather than talking to him. But do make it quite clear what he's done that has made you take this step. If you explain why you're doing this, there is some chance that Rike will change his behaviour, stop doing drugs, and return to being the person you want to have as a friend.*hugs*Mark

    Comment by A Wandering Pom — April 11, 2010 @ 10:22 pm | Reply

  3. I sorta disagree with u only on one part. I wouldn't totally avoid him. It's okay to say hi to him if you see him but that's it. I just hope that soon he sees the error in his ways and leave the drugs alone. I wish you the best of luck

    Comment by pyester1969 — April 11, 2010 @ 10:56 pm | Reply

  4. Not sure what to tell but trust your heart and hopefully things will turn out for the better and he shows up againI think you may need to talk to your parents before Rike ends up in jail or dead

    Comment by Ethan — April 11, 2010 @ 10:58 pm | Reply

  5. I'm so sorry that it has come to this Andy… I know this tears your heart out, but I also know that your own well- being has been at stake for a very long time… As much as you care for Rike, I know you would have wanted this to be completely different, but you are smart to understand the realities of Rike's world and the effect that it is having on yours…You have been there for Rike, but, in reality, he is not there for you… He is so damaged by his past, it is ruining his future, and it is beyond your capability to change that… The types of people, and the terrible decisions, that Rike brings into your life, are corrosive and deadly to your friendship and your safety. We can pray that there is divine intervention, or professional intervention, that will change what's happening, but, that is not something to build YOUR future on…You are only 16…. I think a lot of people forget that…You have a right to your own life!I don't think that Rike would intentionally hurt you, but, that of course, is the problem… It is not the Rike that you know that you are wrestling with, it's the Rike that you never will know… the drugs and glue and the absolute impulsiveness that goes on top of it all, make it impossible for the Rike that you love to emerge.I wish I could produce a valid answer for changing his behavior, but I don't think that anything short of a complete intervention would have any effect. I have been on this rollercoaster before and bled for someone so similar to your friend, I dread the thought that you would feel trapped in the same way that I was… You have your own problems to overcome and deserve the loving support of the people in your life to accomplish that… I will be here for you when you need to talk or are just feeling sad… luv, tman<3>3 hugs2

    Comment by tman — April 11, 2010 @ 11:35 pm | Reply

  6. Hi Andy, ooooo my so sorry your going thru this, I total understand , a friend- lover was useing and selling drugs, I did the same has you are now tough love is the best the user will change in his time only, is there a NA there?Alanone for you to help you understand Rikes problem only a idea. Hugs To you, Rike and you are friends i hope he comes back to you, Hugs Dean

    Comment by wetcool1 — April 11, 2010 @ 11:41 pm | Reply

  7. You don't deserve this shit, Andy. You have heard the old saying 'You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.' You're right to use some tough love to get the message to him. I told Rike on his blog about the danger and stupidity of drugs. And this business of using his 'street' background and his family troubles as an excuse for bad behavior doesn't cut it when he has such great opportunities to better himself; his good friends, school, and his grandmother who deserves better also. I hate it when teens get involved in drugs and booze because it is hard to deal rationally with whacked-out people. Betrayal of your trust hurts you to your core. Its sad for Jamie too that he refuses to get his act together. You know, Andy, I think having to deal with your sexuality has given you the inner strength and self dicipline to not go down the road of self destruction. Let Rike know he has chosen drugs over friendship and actions speak louder than words. Rike is selfishly thinking only of short-term gratification instead of long-term consequences. Druggie guys like Jamie want other druggie guys to validate their drug use. Rike has to tell Jamie to stay away from him unless he is drug free. Mild drugs can escalate over time to harder stuff and crime to support the drug habit, and dropping out of school, then prison. That's what the long-term consequences are. Tell Rike drug use is serious shit, can get you a criminal record and that you want a friend you can trust. At 16, he is at a crossroads now; I hope you can pull him back from the wrong path. Losing his best friend may snap him out of it. And you need a gay boyfriend who doesn't just love you as a friend. bfn – Wayne (always on your side, Andy!)

    Comment by wayner — April 11, 2010 @ 11:55 pm | Reply

  8. I am really sorry to hear this as it sounded like he was getting his act together. Some one from his background of addiction will struggle his whole life.I can understand your hurt. And I always advocate that people do whatever they need to do to take care of themselves first and foremost. I'm not sure that your plan will make you worry any less given how close you guys have been. Cutting communication may just make you worry even more.But I also agree that instead of just leaving things unsaid you should tell him why you are doing this. However, I think you will do whatever is right for you. I am pretty confident in your instincts.

    Comment by Glenn — April 12, 2010 @ 12:09 am | Reply


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