Gay Andy

April 2, 2010

Here is an email response from Rike’s post . . .Catholic? Yes I Am

Filed under: Uncategorized — gayandy @ 8:06 pm

I read your blog and your thoughts about the actual crisis in our church.
I\’m a German catholic priest and I\’m gay. I understand in total that you are not able
at the moment to trust us priests because of that crisis as you could before.

Most of the priests never offended children or youth. But some did and some
bishops failed in dealing with it. That caused harm and suffering.
The victims suffer their whole life. It affects their whole life. For example
they have to deal with flash backs. And the victims did not get the help they
needed in former times. Sometimes they were accused also spreading false
thoughts about the priest when they tried to speek about that horrible truth.

That is terrible.

I think it is good that those crime is now open to the public. But the whole
society all over the world has to think about that problem and look for a good
solution to that problem. And the church especially has to think about that
problem.

We priests are humans like everybody. We do good, but we sin and we commit
failure also.

In my own diocese the official homepage states 31 people who have worked for the
church are suspected to have committed this crime. 16 of this 31 people are
diocesan priests, 4 of them belong to an order. At the momten we have in our
diocese about 800 men working as priest.

You like to overcome the thought has my parish priest or another priest saying
mass committed that crime too.

What kind of certainty do you need? Feel free to ask your priest that question
if you need an answer. Sometimes it helps to know what the ordinary people think
about the parish priest and to know the gossip too. You may yahoo or google the
name and the locations he has worked before. But the most important think is
that you know how I\’m going to behave if somebody likes me to commit stuff I do
not like to do. Trust your own feelings about a person. Trust your own need of
nearness and distance towards a person. For example do you like to get a hug
from your parish priest? If not tell him stop it I do not like that if needed.

To meet any person when you are in a group is secure. To go for confession in
the confession box is secure too. To attend mass is secure. Talks in the office
are ok also. If the priest invites a group of youth to come to the public rooms
of the parish it is ok. But if a priest invites a single person to meet him in
his private rooms it is a different matter. It might be ok but you never know.

Wish you all the best

Note: (i deleted the priest’s name to protect his privacy)

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11 Comments »

  1. i am really impressed that he replied to the thread with an honest answer rather than the agressive way the vatican has gone about this all coming out. Loving the blog by the way 🙂

    Comment by JSL — April 5, 2010 @ 8:47 pm | Reply

  2. Andy:I'm writing as a victim of a priest.The first thing I noticed about this e-mail was that he never mentioned the word sorry.Second, he stated that victims suffer a lifetime. That's not true and I resent people saying that. I've read it so many times I'm sick of it. I turned out ok. No flashbacks. My life wasn't destroyed. I was gay long before he seduced me.I was sixteen and he let me drive his big white cadillac. Driving was my number one passion and he figured that out and used it against me.What upsets me now, and the only time I ever thing about it is when I read about priests, anything at all about them, is that he always made me think it was my idea. He'd always find a way to get to the point where he'd say: 'now that you mention it …'And the way he got to me in the first place is that I confessed that I fantasized about one of my classmates.I could go on but I don't want to add to your problems. But I felt I had to straighten out anybody who says one person's actions can destroy another person's life. Just isn't true.

    Comment by Anonymous — April 5, 2010 @ 8:56 pm | Reply

  3. First and foremost, we are biological beings. We place the rules of religion and civilization on us to control men's sexual urges. (men have the large quantities of testosterone, not women) Today we live in total denial of this influence; that is why men get into so much trouble over sex. When men feel the overpowering sexual urge, they will take great risks to satisfy that urge (that is why we have 7 billion people on the planet!). Politicians, religious figures, rich businessmen, and the ordinary guy have all felt the sting of the court system in divorces and criminal matters. But us men are supposed to be in total control of our testosterone at all times lol TESTOSTERONE CONTROLS US! It all became clear to me when watching a tv program about animals and sex. A mountain lion was stalking a herd of mountain goats. The alpha male goat carefully watched for danger at all times to protect his flock. When was that alpha male careless and taking risks? During mating season, when the testosterone was flowing and ALL his attention was on mating. The mountain lion had a good feed. Same for celibate priests; when the testosterone is flowing, a priest's boundaries are overcome and he will take great risks for sex, male or female. Sorry, but biology rules. Men are meant to have frequent sex; not to have it is psychologically damaging and the priest scandal is the result, although I believe most cases are unlawful consensual sexual contact with a minor, not actual rape as the media would have you believe. If mankind would just quit denying sexuality! bfn – Wayne

    Comment by wayner — April 5, 2010 @ 9:28 pm | Reply

  4. Hi Andy, Thanks so much for share that letter. Chao Dean

    Comment by Anonymous — April 5, 2010 @ 9:38 pm | Reply

  5. I'm no expert in the area of molestation. However from my viewpoint this whole circus against the catholic church is not as a means to correct any wrong doings from the past, but rather for the love of money today. The catholic church is viewed as being a gold mine, and the molest victims are the gold diggers looking for an easy way to get money. And IMHO the news media is doing far more damage to the molest victims by constantly dragging the church along with the victims through the media spotlight.

    Comment by gay Andy — April 5, 2010 @ 10:47 pm | Reply

  6. I have to agree that I'm disappointed not to have seen the wor sorry in that submission. While I was not a victim of a priest I can attesst to the fact that the pain and suffereing from sexual abuse are a lifetime sentence and at the very least a sincre apology is not merely a nice idea, it's an imperative and such an apology has to come from the highests level of the church.This problem is not limited to the Roman Colic church by any means , they happen to be in the spotlight at the moment but other organisations are coming under scrutiny and their wrong doings will hopefully be exposed with equal fervour.I think it's slightly simplistic to claim that this furore is all about making money out of the church but at the same time in a capitalistic world financial recompense is often the only way to show that a victim's suffering has been properly acknowledged.All sexual abuse against children is a great evil and every effort must be made to bring it to a haltLoveMac

    Comment by Old Midhurstian — April 5, 2010 @ 11:20 pm | Reply

  7. I personally believe the letter is disingenuous. This guy is asking us to feel sorry for him. I also am, make that was, a victim.The point I must make is that he didn't ruin me. It hasn't remained with me all my life. I only think about it when I read about it.

    Comment by Anonymous — April 6, 2010 @ 10:12 am | Reply

  8. Quick question for old midhustanCan you share what you mean when you say 'you can attest to'My priest not only got at me but five of my pals. Unless they hide it well, I've seen no indication that they were destroyed. We're close friends to this day and we've discussed some pretty crazy stuff. But not a word about father.I suspect that the victims you refer suffer initial pain and suffering but I wonder how much of it is permanent.

    Comment by Anonymous — April 6, 2010 @ 2:16 pm | Reply

  9. Andy… I think you'll find that this issue is as complex as the people involved… There is no way to define the specific way that sexual contact does or does not affect a kid's development and future life as an adult… Every kid is different, and every situation is different… If a kid is gay and curious, he may or may not feel like he was a victim, depending on how it all happened, and whether or not, he was ready for a sexual relationship, especially with an adult… Pile on top of that, the imbalance created by a breach of trust, in that the priest is representative of the church, and proceeds in this selfish manner, anyways, and it gets more complicated… If the sex was coerced, that's bad enough, but if it was forced, as was often the case, in some of these situations, then, you can see where it would be very difficult for a kid to resolve this kind of thing, especially on his own, and where it might follow him around for a long time, in different ways… Some people are better than others, in resolving difficult issues and putting them in the rear view mirror…So, you can't assume that the money involved is the sole driver in these lawsuits… There are people that are genuinely affected by what occurred… And, the maddening way that the church has handled this, is very similar to the way it has handled the issue of homosexuality… There is just a resistance to the truth, and an uncaring strategy that emerges when the church speaks to these things, and it has dragged the church down a snakehole in the process… It was avoidable, but, nonetheless, it's also history… The way foward now, is apparently, in the Vatican's strategy (my best guess), to pay off the lawsuits and try to say as little as possible… You see how that works!! It just goes on and on….. Well, that's why I always talk about sex, and the decisions around it, as a more complex thing than many would like to admit… There are very few things in our lives, that are as intimate and with such explosive consequences as our relationships… They can bring out the best or the worst in people… Unfortunately, people are often careless, and don't consider the possibilities before they unzip… luv, tman<3

    Comment by tman — April 6, 2010 @ 5:48 pm | Reply

  10. @AnonymousI refer to the fact that I was sexually abused as a child between the ages of 10 and 13 and I can assure you that in my case this has been a lifelong burden. Since the age of 10 I have suffered periods of profound depression and as a child and adolescent had very a very serious lack of self esteem. The problems caused by abuse so poisoned my relationship with my Stepfather that from the age of 12 we did very little except argue and on many occasions he resorted to quite serious physical violence in an effort to control me.The depression issues continue to this dayMac

    Comment by Old Midhurstian — April 6, 2010 @ 6:53 pm | Reply

  11. In regards my comment on five friends and a priest and I.Our average age was 15 or so. There was never violence or threats. There was no penetration. The abuse was one way. If we were of age, it would be considered consensual.I've read about abuse that was so severe, that it caused irreperable damage. I'm personally aware of no one who wasn't treatable.My main concern in commenting is that nobody who reads for the 1000th time that they are damaged goods, doomed to an unhappy and unproductive life will give up and not seek a better life.We attended Father's funeral. We were saddened at the loss of a man who, in some ways, enriched our lives.(for Andy, the bible guy: 'But by the grace of God I am what I am and his grace was not wasted on me.' Somewhere in Cor.)

    Comment by Anonymous — April 6, 2010 @ 7:04 pm | Reply


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